Does sex feel like a chore? Heres how sex and relationship therapy can help.

Does sex ever feel like a chore or something you have to check off your to do list?

This is the most common concern I hear from folks socialized as women, in long term heterosexual relationships. I often hear “it’s just not on my mind”.

Like I’ve said in other posts- there are many layers to desire and there could be several things happening BUT here are some common reasons sex might feel like a chore.

1. You’re not getting what you want out of the encounters. Whether it’s not centering your pleasure, you’re craving exploration, or there’s not enough time spent on slowing down and touch- you might not be having the kind of sex you want.

2. You’re so freaking stressed. The world is SCARY AF rn. You’re working a ton. You’ve got 2 kids under the age of 10. I get it. It’s hard to slow down, take a breath, and feel embodied in sex when your nervous system is constantly in fight or flight.

3. There have been previous relational ruptures that are lingering in your mind and body. Even if it was 3 years ago, even if you feel like “you should be over it", even if you want to dismiss it- if the rupture wasn’t properly repaired, it could be showing up in your sex life.

4. You’ve never explored your relationship to sex individually. You’re not sure what you like or don’t like. You’re not sure if past trauma is effecting you. You don’t really feel like you know your body. I hear you. It’s hard to want to engage with yourself or your partner if you don’t know what you want- and this can make you feel stuck.

5. Sex feels like a chore because you don’t really experience sexual attraction. You might be exploring Asexuality or the ace spectrum as a part of your identity.

If you are ready to explore your relationship to sex. Feel free to reach out for a consultation.

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